Introduction to Consent.

This is a textbook consent 101, I hope it can help.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, consent is:

Consent verb con·sent \kən-ˈsent\

to agree to do or allow something : to give permission for something to happen or be done.

Basically that.

Our society and education system fail us in many things and simple education on consent is one of them. For years and years, we are led by victim-blaming and slut-shaming and today, I am going to write one thing or two about consent.

What is consent?

Basically, consent is when someone gives you their permission to do something. Like..

Me: Dad, can I take some money from the drawer for the public transportation?
Dad: Sure, okay.

So, in the scenario above, my dad just gave me his consent to take some money for public transportation money and I will take the money accordingly. According to Wikipedia, that is a form of expressed consent. There are five forms of consent and I am not gonna state all of them, you can look them up yourself.

Anyways.

A lot of people still don’t understand ‘consent’ when it comes to relationships and dating. When I said relationship, I meant all relationship; parents-child, platonic, romantic, and sexual.

The thing is, we were never really given a clear education on consent. All the “yes means yes” and “no means no” are still too vague. What if the person you ask for consent is too drunk/intoxicated?

How can I get consent from the other person? Communication is the key but everything is always easier said than done. When it comes to asking for consent, you can always ask the other person:

·         Are you okay with this?

·         Are you comfortable with this?

·         Do you want to slow down?

·         Are you sure?

I am not sure about between parent-child one because I don’t have a child and my parents are always telling me and my brother that it’s okay to say “no” to them because we are our own person and yadda yadda yadda, things like that.

So.

Yeah.

I always find it easy saying “no” to my parents because they make it easy for me. So, to any of you out there, saying “no” is important please, please, please teach your children that it is completely okay to say “no” to you.

BUT.

When it comes between boyfriend and girlfriend (or boyfriend and boyfriend or girlfriend and girlfriend), it’s probably a little bit hard. When we’re in a relationship with someone, we tend to be a little bit biased. Just keeping it real here. Hah.

So, boys and girls, remember to ask for your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s consent.

Some things you need to remember when it comes to asking for consent

1.      For all the straight couples out there, don’t think too much about gender roles. Girls are not always the one who need to slow down and boys are not always the one who need to initiate things. And vice versa.

2.      For all the gay and lesbian couples out there, same with number one, really.

3.      Don’t pressure or guilt your partner into saying yes because if you do this, you don’t respect your partner and you don’t have self-respect and you’re pretty much a shitty person.

Some people argue that asking for consent in the middle of hot and heavy session ruins the mood and this is bullshit. Hah. I’ve said it.

How to ask for consent when you’re in the middle of hot and heavy session:

1.      I’m going to kiss you so hard and touch you, yeah?

2.      I want to touch you here and there, can I?

Or more explicitly…

1.      I am going to pin you against the wall and kiss you so hard and touch you, would you like that?

Don’t be shy just use your words, put it all out there. It’s basically dirty talk.

BUT, it’s a total red flag when:

·         Your partner looks hesitant, as if they’re contemplating between ‘maybe’ and ‘yes’.

·         Your partner is under the influence of alcohol and recreational substance.

And I am no relationship expert but let me give you some tips when a ‘serious’ talk between the two (or three or four, if you’re in polyamorous relationship) of you is due:

·         They’re always upset and even angry when you said no.

·         They say these magic words “if you love me you have to do this with me”

·         They simply ignore your “no”.

Those are the red flags, you might want to consider dumping them because obviously they’re a garbage of a person.

Enough about people who are in relationship. What about single people who are just hanging out and stuff?

·         If someone is wearing something sexy, that does not mean you can grope them.

o   Don’t grope cosplayers guys, yes their costumes look cool and yes their costumes are a bit revealing, that does not mean you can freely touch them.

·         Drunk and/or high people CAN NOT GIVE YOU THEIR CONSENT.

·         People under legal age CAN NOT GIVE YOU THEIR CONSENT. There’s a reason Child Protection exists, guys.

·         If someone accepts your act of kindness (e.g: you bought them meal, drink, or even offering a ride) does not mean that person is gonna want to date you.

·         They look hesitant, as if they’re contemplating between ‘maybe’ and ‘yes’ then it’s a NO. Don’t even try to talk them into saying yes, you shitty person.

That’s all about consent, I hope this post is helpful for you. There are still a lot of things to talk about from this post alone but this is only a simple introduction about consent.

I guess that small list has answered the question that came up earlier: What if the person you ask for consent is too drunk/intoxicated? They CANNOT give you their consent therefore, you DO NOT have their consent. Basically, NO.

*coughs* the simple introduction about consent that our society and education system failed to give us. *coughs*

Xoxo,caffeinated heart.

Source: http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/what-consent/