The Hero that We Know We Don't Need

Before any of you go: here she goes again, the ruthless, ranting, radical feminazi..

Yeah, well, kindly eat a wiener.

One morning, I woke up to a viral article titled “This woman goes around and beats mistresses” and I was like whatthefiretruck it’s too early for something like this. Basically, it’s about a middle-aged woman who goes around beating mistresses for the wives of the philandering husbands.

I am all for women supporting each other but this is not the kind of reality I wish to live with. I am all for women empowerment and stuff but this is not women empowerment this is flat out abuse. No one deserves to be beaten up unless they beat you up first even so I am obligated to tell you that I do not condone violence.

If you use feminism to justify abusing someone, that is not feminism. I feel like this is an important point I need to bring up all the time because people see me as this man-hating, sad, lonely girl with low self-esteem. Guess what, I am.

If you actually met me in real life and have read my old posts in my old blog, it is easy to conclude that I’ve been raised in a household that taught me I am my own person and I do not owe anyone my hand in marriage. Do I want to get married someday? Yes but it is most certainly not my only goal in life. I want to live my life to the fullest for myself first not because of some societal obligation.

Anyways, back to the middle-aged woman who goes around and beats mistresses for the wives of the adulterers.

The thing that triggered this terribly misguided “heroic” act was not a radioactive spider bite but her own philandering husband twenty-thirty years ago. Her husband was cheating on her so she did some Sherlock-level investigating and found the mistress and beat her. The husband stopped cheating but, as predicted, dude couldn’t keep it in his pants. He cheated again. She beat the second mistress and left the husband.

The whole thing made her blood thirsty. She began to live nomadically, helping out younger women to seek out the mistresses and proceed to beat and shame the mistresses. She had to move from place to place because, well, when you beat someone, you got reported to the police and, boy, this middle-aged woman has a long rap sheet of harassment charges.

Married people got divorced all the time; the reasons may be various and as long as both parties are better divorced, sure, why not. If you are worried that divorce rate keeps going up, then there’s only one thing to do. Let’s. Just. Ban. Marriage. Straight marriage, gay marriage- ILLEGALIZE. THEM. ALL.

(can you feel the sarcasm there)

Anyways.

Adultery, divorce is a BIG sin especially in the complicated web of East Asian communities. In any community, actually, but wow the whole thing is even bigger in East Asian families. I think I don’t need to type it out who got all the blame when an adultery happens in Asian communities. WELL if you must know. IT’S THE MEN!! CAN! YOU! BELIEVE! THAT!

Hah. You can’t and you shouldn’t.

Women. Women got all. The. Blame.

Your husband cheats? WELL IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR NOT TAKING CARE OF HIM PROPERLY.

Your husband wants a divorce? WELL CLEARLY YOUR FAULT FOR NOT BEING A PROPER WIFE.

Your wife cheats? WHAT A SL-T! LEAVE HER.

Your wife wants a divorce? WHAT A SLUT! SUE THE HELL OUTTA HER.

It takes two to tango, I am sure that the blame is on both parties.

But. Seriously? Hunting down mistresses and beating them up? That is some f-cked up shit right there. There is something profoundly wrong with that so-called Mistress Beater.

When an adultery happens in a marriage, whoever committed it—whether the husband or the wife—the paramour is most definitely not the first person to blame. The first to blame is, of course, the philanderer. When you are committed—be it marriage or just a monogamous relationship—you have made a promise to your partner and when you cheat, you have betrayed that promise.

But they made a move on me first!!

Well. You can always say no?

They won’t take a no for an answer!

I know it’s definitely more complicated than everything but, if you are a committed person and you are taking your commitment seriously, turn that person down firmly and sternly. Make it clear that you do not want to be engaged in a secret tryst.

Ignore the advances, if they start to threaten your safety, report them.

So, I guess, the whole point of this post is: it is not the paramour’s fault. It is your philandering partner’s fault for breaking a promise, a sacred vow of marriage yadda yadda yadda.

Like I said, the whole adultery and divorce is a BIG sin in Asian countries. Last year, there’s this Chinese actor that announced that his wife was cheating on him and planning to divorce her on his Weibo. After the post is made, the netizens were quick to attack the wife, calling her all the derogatory names and pure sexist, misogynistic things.

After that the wife sued the Chinese actor of defamation. Well yeah she got attacked after that too. There was even one lovely Weibo user (complete piece of sh-t, imo) that said “you know that we’ll never side with you!!! Even when he was the one who cheated on you, WE WILL NEVER SIDE WITH YOU!!!!!”

Lovely bloke.

First thing first, we don’t know the whole story. Some said that the wife cheated on the husband’s bestfriend—well, that’s really f-cked up, gurl, why—but really? “you know that we’ll never side with you!!! Even when he was the one who cheated on you, WE WILL NEVER SIDE WITH YOU!!!!!”

If the actor was the one who cheated, I’m pretty sure everyone would jump and say “THE WIFE IS A BAD WIFE FOR LETTING HER HUSBAND CHEATS”. Yeah. Well.

Just. Why. People. Sigh.

And didn’t that Chinese badminton athlete recently cheated on his wife few weeks before their child was born? I think I read an article that said “This athlete caught with his pants down”.

It was BIG—the cheating news, not the athlete’s genitalia. After he got caught, he made a post on his Weibo apologizing to his wife and his family and his wife’s family and everyone. Let’s just say everyone was quick to forgive him.

‘m sure same can’t be said for the mistress—she was a model but I think she was not famous enough to be featured on national’s news, the focus was totally on this badminton dude.

Yeah. What I am trying to say is: it is not mainly the paramour’s fault. Don’t go around beating mistresses. If anyone deserves a beating, it is the adulterers/adulteresses. But. No one deserves a beating. We’re a civilized society, we should do everything like a civilized society do.

And that doesn’t involve beating the crap out of each other.

Another thing, I just find it sad that people are quick to blame the mistress/boytoy. Yes, boytoy, for the lack of term. Society has programmed us to hate women. Like, you all came out of your mother! Respect your mother but feel free to attack/hate/disrespect other women that is not your mother!

Make up your mind, people!

Wow. If my classes allow random women rant, I would probably graduate with 5.0 GPA. Lol.