stop valuing women based on their virginities 2k17

disclaimer: I might be a little bit too radical or too tumblr-y sjw when it comes about this issue but hey, hear me out: I might be onto something here. English is not my first language so there might be some awkward wordings here and there.

And this post is, like, heavily directed for people who wants to have sex, if you're an ace, this post might not be for you?



My parents will probably have a panic attack if they ever read this but they already know that I can be a little bit of a feminist, so. I am going to clarify something as I write this post, I am still a virgin and I don't think that me being a virgin means that I am above any young adult women who are no longer a virgin and I don't think that young adult women who are no longer a virgin are above any young adult women who are still a virgin.

Okay. If you are a little bit squeamish when it comes to the word virgin because where I live, it's a very kinda taboo-ish topic? Not exactly a dinner party anecdote. Not family friendly. You can't just talk about this in front of your 9 year old cousins, nieces, nephews.

At first, I didn't want to talk about this because I didn't really know what to write without sounding too extreme or too rebellious or too edgy but then again the title of my blog is soft spoken strong words, emphasize on strong words, so here I go.

I talked about this with my friends here (as in the friends I met in China) because, believe it or not, for a country I thought that is very conservative, the college students here are pretty sexually active. I just hope they're practicing safe and consensual sex. Anyways, we were actually talking about the grossness that is college boys. The boyfriends/the boys will definitely kiss and tell about their conquests or what the president of MURRRICA polished as locker room talk.

First of all. Gross. Second of all. Disgusting. Third, really just why people like him exist.

This whole polishing the act of boys talking about degrading and harassing women as locker room talk should be stopped. Second, why do they kiss and tell anyway? Why just why are college boys are so vile?

Then of course we get talking about losing virginity. My friends were sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightly put off by the fact that the girls we were talking about no longer virgins because of course my friends do not agree with sex before marriage. They asked me what do I think about that and I was just like as long as both of them are consenting adults and practice safe sex, sure, why not? So they said but that means the girl's not a virgin anymore and I said yeah so..........? and they said she's not a virgin but she hasn't married.

Then it clicked.

Ah, yes, I forgot that not everyone is as liberal as me? I think? I don't know.

So what I said was basically this: So what if she is not a virgin? Doesn't make her less of a woman.

The point is, this one friend of mine kept saying that she is not a virgin and she is not married yet.

Then I kinda said: Yeah but we can't just put a value on girls by their virginities. Why girls are being valued based on what's up her v*g*n*? lol why did I censor that. Girls are more than their virginities. We're human, we have our personalities, achievements, goals, and dreams. We're not walking v*ginas. If that's so hard for you to accept then think it like this: how to measure a guy's virginity?

After that we kinda ended the conversation.

Omg does that mean you'll lose your virginity before marriage?!! Disgusting!

Hear me out guys: do I want to lose my virginity before marriage? Eh, no?

The thing about whole feminism is to respect women and their choices. I respect those who chose to have sex even before marriage and I respect those who chose to wait. You should, too.

Let me tell you a quick story why is it wrong to put value on women based on their virginity. Dear god, it is 2017 and I can't believe I still have the need to write this. I think whatever I am going to write will be heavily related on my upbringing; that is being in a Chinese family and being Asian in general.

1. Like I said, we're human. We have our personalities, dreams, and achievements, it is purely silly and outrageous to value us based on what has been up our genitals.
2. The thing about valuing women based on their virginities is that usually, a non-virgin woman always compared as a broken good. Here's a wild concept: we're not goods we're human. BOOM. Mindblown! Women are people!!!! In my culture, women who are no longer a virgin always compared to, I don't know, a licked lollipop, a bitten apple, a rotten fruit, a cracked mirror, etc all more ridiculous than the next. Why are we always compared to things, we're people. If we kept being compared as broken goods it means that you do not respect us as people. Why is it so hard for you to accept that we're human?
3. In the previous point, we talked about broken goods now, we're gonna talk about the act of breaking a woman. If you think that a deflowered woman is a broken good you basically say that sex is something violent. Because, how does one deflower a woman anyway? Sex! How do you break something in the first place anyway? With a little bit of violence. Whether it's accidental or not, breaking something needs a little bit of force and a little bit of violence.
   I literally heard someone said this: even though I have a dirty mind, I don't want to break a woman. That's why I don't want a broken woman as my wife because I've never broken a woman before. I do not deserve a broken woman.
   And, well, I'm just, dude you're not making any sense?
   According to books and stuffs I read, sex* between a couple is supposed to be a way for them to share something intimate. I don't know how to explain that something is but, it is something. Sex is supposed to be intimate, loving, coming from mutual respect. It's not something violent. It's not something that can break anyone.
   *here, I meant consensual sex because if consent is absent, it's not sex.
4. Here's another wildt concept: women should have an autonomy over their bodies.