h o diggity dang that backfires quickly

story time people!

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm an introvert which means I have my mood where I can deal with people and go crazy but I also have my mood where I just don't want to deal with anything or anyone.

Today is my I'm-so-done-with-everything mood. Naturally, I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. If it is not life-death situation, I don't wanna know, I don't care, I don't wanna deal.

I also have a couple of defense mechanisms I always use to pull myself from an unwanted or an awkward situation, for example, this post. As you all know that I am currently in a foreign country so, I utilize this situation as much as possible. I speak Chinese, sure, not fluent but enough to help me pass my courses and survive daily. I also speak English, enough to write a whole post in English. I guess, that's enough background introduction.

ANYWAYS. So. Sometimes, when my fight or flee instinct is triggered, seventy percent of the time, I'd choose flee. In China, I use my lack of language skill to flee a lot of situations that would require me talk to people or explain something to people. When I am in my I-just-can't-deal, I scare local people away by pretending I don't speak Chinese and vice versa, I scare foreigners away by pretending I don't speak English. It works all the time.

I KNOW HOW PROBLEMATIC THIS IS, OKAY, I KNOW.

It's inappropriate and unfair and just downright mean but you knooooowwwwwwww sometimes I am in a very switched-off mode that I just can't deal. Sometimes I even ignored everyone's messages--this is probably why I don't have friends. But you know when you can't deal, you just can't.

So. Just few hours before I made this post, a foreigner approached me in the supermarket. At first, they only said a friendly 'Hi'. I am still in the I-just-can't mood so I responded with a "nihao". Everything is fine and dandy until they actually talked to me, trying to strike a conversation. I was like "听不懂，我不会说英文" and they were like "that's great! you can teach me Chinese" and I was like...

f      u

c         k

So yeah, long story short, I introduced myself as a girl named 夏 (Xia, which means summer, shut up, I panicked) and I came from Shanghai and majoring in Chinese Literature. I gave them my number but once I reached my dorm I blocked their number. I know they probably just want to learn Chinese from a Chinese student the thing is: I am not a local student, I was just an introvert looking for a way out of social interaction. Let me live. Don't @ me.