Winter Anxiety and Summer Depression - Chapter 1

Emily

Emily always knew there was something wrong with her parents’ marriage.

It was not like they were always screaming at each other or grabbing each other’s throats but it was the disappointed sighs, pursed lips, and averted eyes. Her parents are not happy with each other anymore.

That was why one week before Emily’s prom, when her parents broke the news of their divorce to her she was not surprised. She couldn’t put the right word for her emotion that night but surprised was not it. The two of them gave her the standard talk, how it was never her fault and they haven’t been happy with each other and this is the best for the three of them.

Emily understands, really.

What she did not understand was her feelings about the whole divorce. Then again, most of the time, she did not understand her feelings at all.

Her mother told her that she was free to make her decision whether she wants to stay with her mother or moved to a new city with her father. If she stayed with her mother, she had to give up going to St. Peter, because her mother wouldn’t be able to afford it and her application for swimming scholarship was rejected earlier this year. If she stayed with her father, she might be able to go to another private school.

Emily looked at the two of them, fingers twisting in her lap. It was always hard for Emily to decide on something, all her life, she has been letting her mother or father to make a decision for her but right now.

She looked at her father than her mother. She told them that she wanted to stay but she promised that she would visit her father on summer breaks. Just not this summer, though. She briefly wondered if she made the right decision.

When she looked at her mother, her eyes were misted with pride and love and her lips slowly bloomed into a genuinely happy smile, she knew that she made the right decision.

The next day, she told Lilia. Lilia was her closest friend in their friends circle. They’ve been stuck on each other’s hips ever since the day Lilia squirted her orange juice at Brian, the biggest bully in their kindergarten, when he kept pulling at Emily’s hair even though she (meekly) asked him to stop.

Lilia stared, Emily grew nervous under her stare. What happened next sent Emily into utter and complete confusion. The redhead cried, big fat tears and ugly sobs. Emily did not know what to do so she decided to hug Lilia. Lilia squeezed her tight, her red hair tickled Emily’s face.

“Come on, it’s not like I moved away, like, far away,” Emily tried to reason.
“But—oh, god, you’re moving to that place—Emily..” Lilia hiccupped.

Emily laughed softly. The two of them often joked that the public school in their district was the grossest place. Then again, anywhere that was filled with teenagers is gross. Even their beloved St. Peter.

Lilia rambled on and on about the things they’d never be able to do together in high school; swim team tryouts, proms and homecomings, rule the second best table in the cafeteria because the first one are for those pompous hos with their dumb jock boyfriends.

Emily let out a bitter laugh-cry. Emily managed to read between the lines; Lilia did not want to go through St. Peter without her. The other girls weren’t the sweet Emily, they weren’t the Emily she saved from that ugly bully.

“Hey, I’ll text. A lot. Like, a lot,” Emily breathed, face buried in Lilia’s shoulder.
“You better,”

Lilia ended up stayed over for the rest of the week. Emily’s mother did not mind, in fact, she seemed pleased that Emily wouldn’t be alone too much since she had to stay longer in the office. Lilia seemed to skirt around the topic of her parents, Emily understood, though. If she was in Lilia’s place, she would feel confused too.

How do you actually comfort someone whose parents are going through a divorce?

Emily remembered Cassandra. Her parents divorced when they were in seventh grade but she was immediately whisked away by her mother. There were some whispers between the parents and teachers that the divorce was quite… brutal.

It was the complete opposite of Emily’s case. The Darlings have never been one to be emotional, they quietly and calmly solve each problem they face.

And Emily was not sure how she felt about the divorce.

Yet.

On the third night of their sleepover, both of them were lying on the floor, spent from swimming the whole day so they just stared at the ceiling listening to Beyonce’s newest album.

“Emily,” Lilia whispered.
“Hm?”
“You know that you can always talk to me right? About anything,”
“I know,”
“I may not be the smartest or the most mature friend you have but… I am your best friend,”
“You are,”

Emily wanted to cry.

“And you are my best friend, okay?”

Emily let out a strangled sob. Lilia got up, looked down at Emily. Emily’s eyes were blurred with tears but she managed to sit up nevertheless. Emily did not remember who hugged whom first but that night, the two of them cried together.

Emily felt kind of better.

She did not know why she cried. She did not know why Lilia cried.

But it’s okay.