Keep your head down and walk faster

Guess what I am going to talk in this post. Catcalling and stares. I am going to talk my personal experience so my experience might be very different than other people. Now, now, if you are one of those people with archaic mindset despite that it is 2017 who victim-blame and tell girls to dress like they respect themselves, kindly go away. Thanks!

Anyways. This is 2017, I DO NOT HAVE TO emphasize that we should not reduce women to what they wear. It is getting boring and it is literally twenty-seventeen.

Sigh.

This post has a lot of Indonesian so not 100% English.

So. If you guys haven’t figured it out, yet, I am Chinese-Indonesian which means my grandparents from paternal side and maternal side are Chinese but we live in Indonesia, we hold Indonesian passport. The common term for this is huaqiao, 华侨. I am the fourth or fifth generation. I think. Not sure myself. I am a bad child. HA. ANYWAYS.

I don’t know for people who lives in Jakarta, it’s probably not as bad as in smaller cities. I grew up in a small city which means people are still racist or at least weary of Chinese. I am not saying that the Chinese in Indonesia aren’t racist. God. We’re racist as hell. Long story short, we are trying to out-racist each other.

Ha.

I know it is pointless to fight hate with hate and all that but, what can I do? I am just an almost-adult. I can’t lead revolution like Katniss so, I just live. I respect people and people respect me. That is pretty much how things roll so far in the 20ish years of my existence.

Maybe I’ve been living in a sheltered environment but that’s just how things have been played out in my life.

I mentioned this a lot in this blog, I am a girl. Society is unforgiving towards girls and I am a huaqiao that live in a city where the majority of people aren’t Chinese. Let me make it simple for everyone, including myself, I am a minority.

Boohoo look at this special snowflake wants to be special.

Mock me all you want, I am just telling you all the truth. I am a minority. Being a minority sucks and I don’t have to tell you all about how it sucks. Ever since I was old enough, like, around third grade of elementary school, men began to stare. Whether they were just trying to figure out am I Chinese or not or they stare just to scare me, they stare.

That is sick and twisted, adult men should not stare at children like that. Okay? What the hell is wrong with you?

Then puberty hits. Me, kids being kids, need to hang out with my friends and sometimes we go out. Sometimes I wear knee-length shorts or maybe above knees shorts because it is hot as hell and my shorts were cute as heck. Adult men, and needless to say I was still a minor at that time, leered and whistled.

I didn’t realize how wrong that was until I was in high school where we learn age of consent and all that nice things. By that time, it was too late. I have grown up with internalized misogyny and internalized shame of my body.

A lot of girls experienced this, I am sure. We were taught that our body is not ours.

Thanks, society :D

It never escalated more than catcalls and whistles. Thank the heavens, it never went pass name-calling and whistles and stares. BUT IT STILL SCARED ME. A child should never feel scared because of what they wear or how they look like. A child should never feel scared because of their body.

What were those adult men trying to achieve by leering, catcalling, whistling at a child? TO instill fear? Why would you want to inflict that to young girls?

It is wrong. There is nothing, I SAID, NOTHING, in the world that can justify such behavior. I am not even going to rant how a girl dresses should affect how we see them. Like I said at the very beginning of this post, IT IS FRICKEN TWENTY SEVENTEEN.

Huff.

Calm.

Is it because men feel more powerful when they manage to inflict fear and establish dominance? That is toxic masculinity.

Okay, I am throwing a lot of words around.

The thing is in Indonesia, wherever I had to walk outside. Actual outside, like, outside outside, if I wear anything that remotely show skin, men—construction workers, especially, or tukang ojek who aren’t taking passangers—stare and made catcalls. Oh, I am not trying to say that I am hot and pretty thus men stare. No. They do it to every girls.

Sometimes the catcalls were mild(?) like “oi mbak? Kemana? Yuk mas temenin!”* which translates to “aye girl where chu goin lemme take you there!”.

Sometimes it’s downright rude and sick.

“WOOOOO PAHA PAHA TOKET! AYAM SINI DULU!!”* which translates to “AAAAAAYYYYEEEEE GIRL LOOK EM THIGHS AND TITS! C’MERE SLUT!”

*yep, men had said this to me before. Charming. And other girls probably heard these words, too.  

So, ayam means chicken. In Indonesian, ayam is used as a derogatory term for sex workers and, well, can downright mean slut.

Sigh.

My friend actually said this “why are they even whistling at me? I’m ugly as fuck”

That is sick. No matter how you look like, GIRLS DO NOT DESERVE TO BE AT THE RECEIVING END OF HARRASSMENT. NO ONE DOES, OKAY?

I told her in an amicable/tame/mild/soft way that even though someone is pretty, they shouldn’t be catcalled too.

Yeah, she still doesn’t understand and still stand at “why are they even staring and whistling at me? I’m ugly as fuck”. But she is young. She’ll learn. Hopefully.

Anyways.

Why did I mention that I am a Indonesian Chinese at the beginning of this post? So far, I’ve been talking about girls in general not Chinese girls in my hometown.

You see.

I don’t look that Chinese. My skin is darker, my eyes aren’t that slanted. Sometimes, I just pass as non-Chinese. Until they really squint and look at my face. Apparently I still look Chinese upon close scrutiny. Anyways. The catcalls you got when you’re Indonesian Chinese is different.

From afar, they’d shout “aaayyyyyeee girrrrrlllll! Nice thighs!”

If they’re closer, they’d shout “OI CINA!! PAHA WOI PAHA!!!” which translates to “Oi! CHINESE PERSON! LOOK AT EM THIGHS!!”

Still doesn’t make it okay. Look, racism and catcall in one breath. Nice.

All Chinese Indonesian girls I know grew up with this.

Anyways, when I got into high school, I went to a high school in a bigger city. I rarely got the catcalls but that was probably because I stayed inside most of the time because holy hell this city is HOT that was why I stayed indoor, like, 98% of the time. If you pour water all over yourself outside, you’d get dry in less than an hour then you’ll get drenched again because you’re sweating in less than fifteen minutes.

That doesn’t make sense.

Anyways.

There were stares or sometimes when I really had to walk outside, there were stares and sometimes occasional “kemana mbak?” from total strangers who aren’t even tukang ojek. But the “Oi Cina” part was rarely heard. What I am trying to say here is that the situation between a big city and small city is different. Maybe the people in bigger city are more desensitized because bigger city means bigger population and bigger possibility to see Chinese Indonesian everywhere.

Then after high school, of course, college. I am currently in China for college. So far, Chinese dudes never catcall or stare or whistle at me. WHICH IS AWESOME. I am ignored. I swear, once I was wearing this low cut shirt with a bandeau under the shirt and a pair of shorts—not booty shorts but still kinda short—no one stared. No one whistled. NO ONE CARES.

Like whoa. Mind = bLOWN.

This is something that I can get used to. Not feeling like my body is something that I should be ashamed of. Not feeling scared because of something as natural as my skin. Not feeling scared because I dare to exist.

Believe it or not in China, as long as you’re not naked, no matter what you wear—be it super tight booty short or cleavage-baring shirt—no one would bat an eye. I can guarantee you that. Chinese don’t have time for something as menial as catcalling and harassing girls in broad daylight. All of them busy hustling to get all the $$$$$$$$$$$$$ especially with the rising property price.

Can’t say the same for night time because that’s when drunk people come out! :D

Protip: stay away from drunk people.

Okay. Since I am in a university that is also filled with International students from this and that country. The guys from this certain country—not gonna name the country—still stare. Their stare is something that I am familiar with. Why? I've seen this back in my hometown. The kind of stare that always make me feel disgusted that I have curves, that I have a body of an adult woman. They don’t really catcall or whisper but they stare. Why are they like that?

One time, I caught one of them staring at me and I was so annoyed so I stared back. We ended up stare at each other and he gave me a predatory smirK. YEAH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOPE NOPE NOPPITY NOPE GROSS EW EW.

Fricken gross. Do you ever feel so disgusted even though nothing happened to you unless that long staring contest? I feel like I could get an STD from that staring contest with that guy from that country.

The guys from this certain country like to stare at girls a lot. Other guys who aren’t from this certain country, do not. They don’t stare as hard as the guys from this certain country. They still stare but if compared to the guys from this certain country, I’d choose to be stared at by guys who aren’t from this certain country.

They’re just downright creepy and some of them would still stare even after I gave them a glare or my bitchface.

I guess the moral of this post is that we, girls, no matter where we are can’t escape this fate. Which sucks and sick and just messed up. Why do men need to feel like they have power over us? What the hell is wrong with them smh.
 

THe saddest thing about this whole blogpost is that I can't speak up in real life about this. No matter how passionate I am about this whole thing, I can't speak up. I know when I speak up, people will dismiss me, telling me that I am such a dramatic little girl. People will dismiss me, probably blame me for what I wear, even saying there are girls out there who had it worse. These kind of dismissals are what make other girls out there have it worse.


It's a vicious circle. I hope someone, someday will break this sick and vicious circle because, honestly, I can't be the one who break it. Which is sad, honestly.


Anyways. I'll just end this rant here.